On manners

I've noticed - and have commented tangentially on - people's manners when it comes to social events at people's homes. You've heard my rants on the issues with Book Club and such. Well, pretty recently DH Jeff came up with the idea/concept of having a monthly "Sunday Dinner" like those dinners with family growing up. It was [originally] a chance for Jeff to stretch his culinary skills (as he is the primary cook in our household) and, of course, another excuse for us to be social.

It has been very successful, I think. This last Sunday I took the helm on cooking & was pleasantly surprised (?) how well everything came out. [Sidebar: part of my motivation was a little healthy competition for Jeff and part of it was not wanting to be pidgeon-holed as the booze-hound-in-chief. I am what I am, but who wants that as an epitaph? Also, no one notices all the hard work that went into making the place clean - they just notice when it's not clean] Also, that we attracted a good group and everyone seemed to be having a good time. So far, so good.

But: there were two people we invited who said they would come, who inexplicably didn't show up. There were no phone calls or emails saying they couldn't come, at the last minute. These were two who had done the same thing in the past. You know, at this age - and both parties are around my age - I don't think I should have to remind you to have manners, and yet...it seems beyond some people to exercise a little courtesy.

In the past - and I've mentioned this before - I used to be that way. I'd never give a solid response - just "maybe" and then if if I said yes, sometimes not show up. And then at some point I had an "Aha! Moment": these people don't have to invite me AT ALL and here I am treating them and their hospitality so casually, so dismissively. NOT ANY MORE. Now I'm usually the first to RSVP. No, you won't have to wait for me. I appreciate that you bothered to invite me to your whatever and understand that puting on even a small gathering involves time, effort, planning and yes, money. If I have no scheduling conflicts, I'll (now we'll) be there & will bring some token offering (wine, mostly).

Evidently, some folks can't grasp this concept...and are probably miffed when I bring it to their attention. Well, it's not all about you - do you get that?

Enough, already. I want to thank all of those who do have manners, who do bother, and show how they value our hospitality and friendship - it's most certainly not lost on me!

Shopping with Marilyn Manson...[warning: profanity & despair!]

...is a good way to tolerate the vast number of boneheads and humanoid cockroaches at Whole Foods this Sunday morning...although frankly, if I had waited until say 4pm, the vast number would have increased by a factor of ten. Would you NOT leave your cart smack in the middle of the aisle when you KNOW that you're not the only shopper at this time? Ditto the stroller with your "beloved" offspring? Please pick a direction! And no paying by checks, mkay? Kindly drag your sorry, confused ass into the 21st century - it's called "plastic." It chafes less, you see. Ok, I wasn't REALLY shopping with Marilyn Manson, but he was singing profanities in my ears (yes, I hear voices in stereo! Ok, that's a little nod to the movie Copy Cat, in case you didn't catch it).

I'm SO TIRED of everything:

- school - I'm sick of studying, so very sick & tired and as usual, wondering if any of the time, effort & mostly money is worth it. And it's going at such a glacial pace!

- work - glad to have my job, just not very motivated - and did I mention that it exhausts me? And not in a good way.

- my need for continuous work - i'm pretty much at the point where I'm just going to get a full-time, regular job & continue on at said glacial pace with my education (that is, part-time), or change majors to accounting - at a cheaper school (still at said glacial pace). Gaack. I'm such a rebel. I bet you were thinking - thank God! She's finally turning to a life of crime! Maybe now she'll be interesting!

- My 40-year-old body (Yes! 40! I'm now officially middle-aged!) - so far it's biologically hanging together pretty well despite the alcohol and saturated fats (and hydrogenated foods! can't forget the hydrogenation!) I've imposed upon it. That said, if i'm not going to have any children, my body had better start looking spectacular. No, don't placate me with oh, you look fine. "Fine" just doesn't cut it.

- Meaningless honor societies - I mean, at the last ceremony we were told that much is expected of us - to which I respond [in my head] you mean more than superior grades, a truck-load of money surrendered to this institution and no guarantee of meaningful employment afterward? Did I mention the horrendous two semesters spent in a class wherein the professor (yes! a full PhD!) was completely incompetent? And employment in the field only if I expend a lavish amount of time & energy (lavish because I don't have it) applying and interviewing and showing enthusiam for a job that will involve a significant pay cut just to get my feet wet? Just cut the crap & give me money so I can finish this fucking degree, already. I forked over $35 for the particular honor of listening to that & receiving a crummy certificate in the mail that they couldn't manage to actually package properly - so it was crumpled.

- illegals & their little helpers. in our government(s). - Although I've always had a particular hostility for the open-borders crew on the left, I reserve my truly quality fury for those who call themselves "conservatives" and "Republicans" -and who not only DO NOTHING to resolve the issue, but actively encourage it. Who sign bills that are worse than nothing. Who hamstring any efforts to stop illegal immigration, and demonize those who do do make legitimate efforts in that direction. But, you know, I live a Arlington County, Virginia, which has a motto of "Never an illegal we didn't love and abett," and thus, when I went into Macy's (former Hecht Co.) to do some power shopping (I succeeded at that) - all I heard was Spanish. Except for the token English-speaker, who was mercifully a native-speaker & also strangely well-versed in customer service. I think he was a replicant. So unseemly.

- fat people who think I need to see their stomach rolls. hanging out between their clothes parts. or brazenly displayed with a bare midriff (not joking). or ass cellulite vividly outlined through those off-white stretch pants. who are STANDING right in the middle of the metro escalator, blocking any movement past.

- Chortling Democrats & their chortling (DC) newspaper of record (Washington Post, duh) - just normally - but especially after the Dem win of House & Senate. Keep in mind, folks, that lots of real conservatives were pissed off at those weren't real & decided to teach them a lesson. at all of our expense. thanks. but, more to the point - this cannot be taken as a sign that America has turned liberal, morons, so don't get too excited.

- Islamists & all their widdle supporters. There's always some Moslem who's getting sparked up about something and killing someone (nuns, film-makers, Israelis, etc, etc), blowing up discos, supermarkets, public transportation, flying into buildings, burning cars, performing essential honor killings of their females (not to mention everything else that is imposed on said females), cowing Westerners by their violence, etc, etc. First, I don't care about your religion or your widdle feelings about it. Second, the West should get some gonads asap and put you down like the rabid dogs you are before we're in real trouble. Mkay? So, actually, Islamists, this isn't about you - it's about us & how we will overcome you and anyone who threatens our existence.

Basically, all this is just saying I'm fed up with my life & my total lack of clarity about where I'm going except it can't be more of the same. Also, my DH Jeff is away and I miss him - so there.

I could go on, but I gotta go study some more. Gaack.

Technorati topics: mental breakdown, islam, politics, manners, immigration

If you don't want the answer, don't ask the question

So, I'm laying peacefully, blissfully poolside in the sunshine, when the twenty-something beside me asks if I mind if he smokes. I said honestly, "I prefer you didn't." He replies, "Well, what if I just hold it over here (towards his buddy, who doesn't mind), to which I reply "I guess so."

Now, if you planned on taking the action anyway, regardless of my response, why did you bother asking me? You didn't care about my feelings on the matter. And therefore, that whole charade has nothing to do with courtesy or consideration, bonehead.

My feelings: it's your obnoxious habit, keep it to yourself.

On Manners...

...like this seems to be a hard concept for the Washington crowd to grasp. Case in point, we're (Jeff & I) trying to revitalize, along with a friend, our book club. And it's been an effort to attract people to come, but we seemed to be enjoying modest success as of late. And then, this time around, I sent a followup email to remind members of the date and time & to confirm if they were going to show. Well, I got one "oops, I'm flying in after it's already started, so I'm bagging," one who (at least) let me know ahead of time, one person I actually had to send another email to get a response, and a whole slew of others who have never even bothered to respond, period. Now, Jeff & I have hosted the last few times & our friend has volunteered for the next time. So, no worries about the meeting place (um, we couldn't be easier to get to - across the street from the metro, hello?). I've taken on the role of "club secretary" & dessiminate the information each month. The burden on members is essentially 1) let me know if you're coming (ie, indicate interest), 2) buy or borrow the modestly priced (usually around $10) book, 3) read it, 4) show up with some token food or beverage and 5) enjoy a pleasant discussion about the book while enjoying food and drink (most of which we provide). Boy, doesn't that sound taxing! You'd think we were asking for Dom Perignon and their first born.

Friends, I've tired of making effort and not having people do even the minimum courtesy of responding to emails. I've tired of this Washington (although I'm sure it's nation-wide) "college" (reads "kegger") attitude towards socializing. As in, if I don't have anything better to do, then I'll just show up. Oh, but I'll have something else scheduled that evening afterwards, so I'll keep my cell phone on and take calls during the meeting. And it'll be a huge imposition for me to bring some damn crackers, so, I'll buy some crap that no one likes to let you know that I resent having to bring anything besides my sparkling wit. Even though I'll drink your wine, eat your bread, cheese, olives, etc. Clearly, few parents are even bothering to teach basic manners anymore. Few people have any class of any kind any more. Of course, in our ever coarsening society, that's not really valued now is it?

I mean hey, our last book club (some members, any way), unceremoniously dumped us and evidently started their own little group. Mind you, they didn't convey this to us directly, we were just supposed to "catch on." I'm sure they considered their little maneuver totally acceptable behavior.

You know, I used to be careless about responding to invites, and then one day it occurred to me that people didn't have to invite me anywhere, at all - and that I should stop being a rude little infant. Clearly, many in this city haven't even gotten to that point of realization or ever will.

Phone Calls, Meetings, Double Booking & Tai Shan

I don't really like talking on the phone. I actually run out of things to say & if I like the person would much rather be chatting with them in person over wine and cheese. If I don't really care for the person, then a brief email would suffice. Come to think of it, emails suffice in most situations. There's a limit to my attention span - to my own ramblings as well - and I find it hard to just listen without actually seeing the person.

Mostly, this is how I feel about meetings in general. Most discussion items can effectively be covered in an email. There's no need for me to actually see you face to face. Now, if I like you then the wine-n-cheese model works just fine (or should) and we can cover business in about the first 2 minutes, then proceed to gossip, chatting, and in-depth analysis of the themes of redemption in the series "Angel." Truthfully, that last part only applies to DH Jeff, but I'm willing to entertain others' participation. Hey, I was a religion major, but I guess then we were discussing dharma and cosmology. Same deal, really. Meetings that go for more than 30 minutes (well, really, 15 minutes) really just try my patience and make me sleepy. Especially when the whole point of the meeting is to make yourself seem more important than the insect you really are - and aren't we all in the big scheme of things? To think otherwise is to kid yourself.

Now, there is another thing that's come up lately in my human interactions that I find rather offensive. That is the whole "double-booking" concept. A friend gets together with you only to have to rush off to some party or other get-together. That just makes me think that the next thing is so much more fun and interesting than being with me and mine. And if that's the case, then please, by all means, don't bother with me - go straight to your party or other plans. Frankly, it's insulting. No one has to feel that they are obligated to spend any amount of time with me. It's also a bit self-important - that you're such a hot commodity that you can afford to be rude.

On a much brighter note, DH Jeff, his folks & I went to see Tai Shan this weekend & we got a good glimpse of the little furry tike trundling about with his mom. So cute...and yet he offered a telepathic koan for our enlightenment. Such an evolved creature - it only appears that nothing's going on but bamboo-eating! Ok, if this paragraph didn't make any sense to you, stop at "...afford to be rude." It's a thing.

Thought of the Day

If a person tried to poison another, society would deem this criminal and incarcerate the poisoner; however, smokers poison themselves regularly and systematically, fight for right to do so, and to impose that poison on others.  Ponder this.