I just finished my annual performance self-evaluation. I detest these things, but, as they say, the sooner you start the sooner you finish. Done. It's such an artificial format and you KNOW there are pertinent things you just can't bring up. Here are a few questions and a few choice responses that did not appear on my self-evaluation:
Q: What can you do to improve your performance and value to the organization?
A: Nothing. I'm perfect as is.
Q: What can you do to improve customer service to the rest of the organization?
A: Nothing. They're a bunch of rat bastards who never met a deadline they didn't break or a requirement they didn't ignore. And let's not even talk about last minute "fire drills"! The real question is "what can the rest of the organization do to prevent my wrath?"
Q: What are your goals for the coming year?
A: To raise enough money to quit this job and go back to school for something unrelated. Hehe, just kidding. No I'm not.
Q: What makes you an asset to the organization?
A: If you need to ask, you haven't been paying attention. Go, be free in your ignorance, but still give me a raise.
Ok, enough already, but if you have some other good ideas, feel free to share them with the royal Us in the comment section.
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